As promised, I have some golden oldies to show you. But what initially was an idea for some silly fun became a little more complicated once I started searching for photos. Some were already in an album, but others were stashed away in envelopes and boxes. Mixed up with people and places and loves and losses from so many different parts of my life, so many different selves…I found myself unguarded for such a submersion in the past.

In the days following the birth of my daughter, I was utterly disoriented. Not from lack of sleep, or physical recovery, but because I couldn’t find myself. It is still something I don’t quite understand and have a hard time explaining even to me. The experience was primarily a visceral one, I can see it in my mind’s eye, I can feel it, but there really aren’t words. As if the place where I used to reside was now empty. A hollowness at my center. Like a bomb had gone off, or something once tightly curled had expanded outwards, the place where it once was, a negative space. With the entrance of my child into the world, the boundaries of my self had also rippled into the world to enclose her.

None of this is bad news, yet the process was slightly melancholy in that the expansion also included within it a severance to who I used to be, and so there is a little bit of sadness, a little bit of grief. I remember thinking at the time, “But I really liked who I was!” And so the trip down the rabbit hole this morning had a similar result, as I found myself at age 5, at 12, at 16, at 23, at 29, at 32…I thought, “I remember that girl. Hey, I really liked her and what’s more…I miss her.”

So here is one facet of the diamond, a blink of life. Right now my little girl is 16 months old and tomorrow she will be 16 years old. I feel nostalgic for the woman I was, yet there is no going back and no time to look back, either…I must go forward, paying attention to every second, because it will all be over before I even know it.

I realized as I got the pictures out to scan, that what really defines my highschool years were my friends and our shenanigans. Most of it, however, falls into the category of “You had to be there”. Theatre geeks, in love with english punk and goth, replaying in our lives movies like “The Lost Boys” and “The Princess Bride”, united in our ostracization and discomfort in a redneck town…it was good times.

Ok, enjoy…and get ready to have a good laugh.

1986. Skate betty days. End of 9th grade. I hated that class.
1986. People are strange, when you're a stranger
1986. First day of sophomore year. Note the two swatches.
1987. Like I said, you had to be there
1987. End of sophomore year. I'm on the left
1988. I'm on the right. Musical skit competition for....homecoming. We won first place over the group that wore booty shorts and threw suds at each other to "At the Carwash". I can't believe we won. I also can't believe we didn't get beat up.
1988. Junior year
1990. End of senior year. This was the era of the half perm, half shaved. That pretty girl you see in a lot of my pictures is Margo. She was a good friend.
1989. Bwa ha ha ha...oh man, what is going on here....I made that shirt and I remember being really proud. I think this might have been thanksgiving, and I do remember that my dad took the picture and seemed really annoyed.
1990. 17 or 18, in front of my bulletin board. The board was my version of a Facebook profile when I was a youngun. I had to walk barefoot, in the snow, both ways, to get it.

(Bummer, you have to click on the vid to watch it on youtube. Well, while you’re there…if you’ve never really listened to Bauhaus, give them a go. Into theatre, surrealism, they were goth before there was such a thing. Also, If anyone knows how to upload music files to wordpress…)

Have a good weekend.


8 thoughts on “Sike!

    1. you met me in 94 after i had transformed from goth girl to dead head to humboldt honey. i found a picture of you as i was going through the stacks…in my old car, i think we were on our way to see “babe” or maybe a sleep over at my house. i had a nice “awww” moment. xo

  1. Oh. My. Wow. … Wow! πŸ™‚ Gary Hollahan, Tom Smith, Heidi Huber, Laurie Metcalfe … Lots of great people in these memories. I totally remember the gorgeous blonde with the partially shaved head, too. πŸ™‚

    1. oh man molly, you should see some of the other pics i came across…you would love it! such a hoot, all our old friends. i debated on including more pics, but thought i shouldn’t post too many pics of others, esp without their permission. i’m glad you remember those days too. πŸ™‚

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