Mama Said Knock You Out

After being bitten on the boob more times than I can remember.

After her giant noggin smashed my nose in so hard I heard the cartilage crunch…on several mornings.

After I broke my fourth toe on my left foot from tripping over the flotsam and jetsam of our lives. And then stubbed the same toe on her toy a week later.

After not sleeping for the last year and a half, my efforts at comfort rebuffed with ear piercing wails.

Not to mention the tinnitus from said shrieking.

And not even counting those things which shall not be named…the TMI body changes that accompanied pregnancy and labor.

After all of that, it took one horrible, nasty head bonk on a hallway shelf, while sweeping, to erase the damage of the past 20 months.

I came crashing to the floor, swearing like a sailor, looking like Wile E. Coyote as stars circled my head and a giant lump emerged through my hair, blood slowly oozing. I sat, stunned, waiting for the rocket fire to cease while Jeff came running down the hall. And then, there was a little cry of alarm at my side. Fern pressed in close, patting my arm, pulling my hand away from my head. “I just had a big bonk on my head,” I told her. “You know what that’s like, don’t you? You’ve had big head bonks.”. She looked at me with wide eyed concern and nodded her head, that yes, she does indeed know how it can be.

She spent the next hour replaying the scenario for me, complete with sound effects for the bonk, and little gentle pats all around my head, checking the progress of my recovery. When she found the rate of my healing too slow, she proceeded to cover the top of my head with kisses, trying to speed things up. There were also copious amounts of comforting hugs.

And that friends, is how any and all suffering endured since September of ’09 was completely erased yesterday. In its place is the look of pure empathy and care that poured out of my daughter’s eyes when her sleep deprived mommy didn’t watch where she was going.

Those kisses were made of the purist alchemical gold. I would smash my head open daily for just the smallest dose.

But we’re still taking down the damn shelf.


5 thoughts on “Mama Said Knock You Out

  1. Oh honey, you almost make having kids sound good. I’m just kidding. I know it’s good. Better than good and I know that the part you don’t really think of when thinking about it before hand is that golden part. It’s just not as tangible as all the things you give up, have to worry about. At least I don’t think about it as often as I think of all the things that would change. I know it’s there and I love children, but I’m just having a good time right now. It’s really nice to know someone who chose parenthood later on, it’s interesting to hear your views on mothering.

    I’m glad your head is good and you have an attentive nurse by your side.

    1. i completely get what you are saying, and i absolutely trust that you know your own timing, that your wisdom is tied into your rhythm. but i do have to say that one of the reasons i didn’t have children earlier was because of how i “thought” it would be, and all that i thought i would lose. i almost always wanted kids, i knew i was a natural mothering type, and yet the sacrifices seemed too great. and the truth now?

      in all honesty, there is not one sacrifice that i actually miss. all those things i was holding on to, i held on to them because they were filling up a yearning space, a space that i realize now was really meant to hold a child. it may not be like this for everyone, but for me, even in the nose-smashing, spectacles breaking, total exhaustion, tantruming moments, i have never felt more fulfilled. before you have kids, you are so right, the golden part is not tangible, and all that you may lose seems so precious. now i know a deeper meaning of precious. i also can see that part of my fulfillment may be because i did wait so long, i had time to get everything else out of my system.

      i kvetch because it’s amusing and fun. but i still wouldn’t change a thing. except maybe an hour or two of more sleep. 😉

  2. I’ve always said you’re the most loving, caring woman I’ve ever met. It’s nice to know you’ve passed it on to Fern. The one thing this world needs more than anything is love and compassion.

  3. This reminded me of a similar moment back when my first was 1 years old. Mommy reduced to a nearly-blubbering mess on the floor after knocking my head on I-can’t-even-remember. Followed by the most deliciously sweet and loving embrace of my entire life. Thanks for the memory-jogging.

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