We’re still sitting with some big questions and there’s no ground under my feet right now. I feel like the old coyote and road runner cartoons, when the former has just realized he’s walked off a cliff and is standing in mid-air. It’s not bad news and that solidity beneath my feet was just an illusion. Here is a chance to recognize and remember the real nature of things. Whenever I am in touch with impermanence, I appreciate how life is brought into sharp relief, everything tinged with a precious fragility.
The primary work I’m having to do right now is to stay in touch with my heart, mostly because I’m having trouble finding it. Excitement and anxiety has sent my more sensitive faculties diving for cover. I hope they venture out soon, because I can’t make this decision without them.
In the meantime, we stroll through our neighborhood after a heavy rain, my eyes washed clean. The exuberance of Spring displays life force at its best. The whole of nature seems to taunt, daring us to take a risk as ridiculous as the white rose that greeted me around a corner, spotlit with it’s own sunbeam for 5 minutes. I am no longer in the Spring of my life, and risk taking is less appealing than self-care and nurturance. As we head towards the equinox next month, we play with keeping the balance and wonder which way the scales will tip, and what it will be like when they do.
But what the flowers would really like to know is…Care to dance?
In regards to decision making, a wise teacher once said to me, “Over analyzing a problem is like trying to find something at the bottom of a puddle and constantly swishing the water around. The movement of the water stirs up all the mud, and things become less and less clear. If you want to get to the bottom, sit still and let clarity naturally occur.”
Forget-Me-Not also offers good advice. Trust how people and places and things live on in our hearts. Nothing is ever truly lost.
Interesting times. Also, I can’t get too caught up in thinkings, because I might miss something like this…
A friend passed this poem onto me yesterday (Thanks Jan!). Not only do I love Hafiz, but it speaks both to a workshop I will be leading next week, and also to many aspects of my personal moment.
The way we live opens windows
And calls in a secret voice to anything
There is nothing in your mind
You have not invited in.
There is no event in your life
You in some way
Did not drive a hard bargain for.
We were all once like moons,
Often full and bright.
The heart, in its wisdom,
Ceaselessly shops for
The wise in any foreign country
Seeks a true guide.
The guide says,
“Just practice this new birdcall,
It will attract to you
In the midst of it all, our lives go on, and Jeff and I celebrated Valentine’s Day in the most rarest of ways…a surprise babysitter and a romantic dinner at our neighborhood italian restaurant. It was so bizarre to sit there and have unbroken eye contact, to enjoy my dinner without fending off grappling hands or using my body as a blockade between her two-ness and the rest of the restaurant. It was so grown-up and normal and I felt completely giddy and awkward through all of it. It was wonderful.